random sadness

...it's pushing me deep.down into the water...when i can't even swim at all..

...im afraid to dwell w/ the feeling, knowing there's no turning back. but sometimes, there's indeed comfort (accompanied) by tears. it helps you see the light.somewhere.

...those eyes

...there's love somewhere, yet you know it's not for you
...sadness, loneliness you can't quite decipher

...something's just so wrong but you can't really figure it out

...wisps of regret? helplessness?

...i'm lost.

you like him as much as not seeing any connection or sparks at all.

you can't imagine yourself with him and fall.

yet you're much affected for his attention,

and at the same time fully aware it will lead you nowhere to go.

and what's more frustrating is that you can't seem to rest the feeling,

and can't even identify what kind it is

...you know it's useless you want it to just end,

fade away to nothingness where it belongs

...those eyes, the smile,the funny feeling

...now if you're foolish mind would just forget (it)...

the might be's...

...the year 's just started and I already have a lot of firsts. or should I say EYE OPENERS.things that I should have realized long ago,things I should know from the start, and things that I should have done looong ago. a lot of shoulda's.. and all's a big smack down on my selfish bubble.

if I do this right... a lot of good can happen to me..well, something...

...like being able to start SAVING money...now that! that I have to give credit to my dear parents.if not for them forcing me to save, I would be another Becky Bloomwood..really.

...like knowing "what's next to do?!" after being in my current job for 2 years now...really...what's next for me? I HAVE to forward on to something else. I just don't know where to start... (w/c right now, is scary to realize you DON'T know yet!)

...like also maybe finding a side job,or part-time work ...?!? i don't know...it's just that I may HAVE to gain extra money so my so-called "pleasured-life" would still be on bay..and to w/c I'm struggling right now..

.So help me God.